Lots of good input for you Recon. Lots of good wisdom.
I still stand by my original statement early on page 1 as the thing that will bring you the most help at this time. The Lord wants it ALL. Everything. Your complete focus. He is purging your heart of self-desire, to utterly rely on Him, focus only on Him, no distractions. There will be no resolution that produces godly results until He wins; until you wrestle and wrestle and wrestle about what to do and then ... bam. When you can't take it any more because every answer, right and wrong is confusing... you will give up, throw it all on Him, not care a whit about if she returns or if there's another wife down the road or... anything at all.... because your heart will be His completely, and then He is free to fix EVERYTHING. The theology will become clear. His path will become clear. Seek first the kingdom of God, a single eye will restore focus. But only God Himself through much wrestling with you can purge the heart and bring the focus completely to Him and Him alone. And THIS my friend, is the true freedom you desire and you look for. Because God knows exactly what He created you for, He knows exactly your needs at this moment. He knows your apparent lack to live without a wife. But there is a deeper issue that is yet stopping up the wellsprings of restoration from pouring forth. And it is a work in your own heart to receive Him in fullness of love, desiring only Him. A simple prayer of asking Him to help you to yield only to Him will allow Him to bring about that which He intends.
Do not think that the end of the matter has come until your eye is singly upon Christ, for then whatever human marriage you participate in can prosper by His grace and maintenance alone.
God IS speaking to you through most of these posts. There is much wisdom and experience here that people have shared from their hearts with. Be content to come to that place of utter humility where you say "Lord, it matters not if my wife is restored to me or if after she leaves I ever marry again. I cast it ALL upon you." Then you no longer reason with the flesh, you no longer depend on wisdom of the flesh or men or theologies, correct though they may be. The power of God can come through complete yielding, and in so doing I dare say the hearing of His voice. You seek what you seek as an honorable desire. I say it is the very desire that is the thing being wrestled away from you and presently clouds clarity and hinders peace and true freedom.